At the hunt, I... took from a lover without giving anything in return. I wanted to see him broken. I hurt him, becoming that which I hate. This, then, became my only option.
First of all, we were under the Maeve's magic on the hunt. You've been under their magic before. I call bullshit there. You know you aren't entirely responsible for what happens when they mind control us. They're more powerful mages here than we are, like it or not.
Story time. [She sighed and settled down.] This was not an isolated incident, keep in mind. Before I found ways to control what I am, there would come times I would lose myself. It was... basically the demon in me starving and acting out, but when it happened, I would take from whatever I could find. Screams, flesh, sex, anything that came to my mind in the instant. The first time it happened in the City of Asgard, I found some local boy while I was hunting with a vampire... don't even remember her name anymore. He was willing for the sex, but we bled him dry, chopped him to pieces and left him on all parts of the town. The police were searching for proof for years over that one crime alone. I had raped a friend, earlier that night, who had been trying to stop me, keep me in control.
For almost a year straight afterwards, friends of mine would chain me to a chair for a full day on the new moon, when we knew it would happen. They'd lock me up, put wards everywhere and stand guard so I didn't hurt anyone. I fought hard to stop killing, losing control, but there were still other victims before it was done. Nobody allowed me to take the easy outs. They forgave me. Despite everything, they forgave me.
You aren't June. You didn't, of your own free will, pour gold down some poor sod's throat. Maybe they're getting to you a little, maybe they're getting to me. I've been needing outlets for all the anger that builds up, but that doesn't mean you're June, anymore than I am my sick father. There's still a difference.
It is odd. I know I should react with empathy to your story. I have memories of such reactions. But I cannot. To say that I am grieved by your story would be offering an empty platitude that I don't think you'd appreciate.
Regardless, what I did to Meallan, I chose to do. I could have walked away, but I chose not to, because I wanted to hurt him. Stripping him of his free will brought me pleasure. That made me a monster, and I couldn't bear it.
Anything that happened in that hunt wasn't entirely you. I agree. If you took control of him, then that was too far. But if you know that, and he's still around to forgive you, then you can atone and you can stop becoming a monster.
You don't need to be that. Do you think just because you have no emotions or magic you can't do something horrible? Ever seen a knife and rope used?
I could still do something horrible, yes, this is true. But if I did, it would be because the action was the logical choice. This is... [He pauses, searching for the right word.] Peaceful. I am well like this, and it's better.
You're lobotomized. Of course you're more peaceful. There's no way you're going to convince me that this choice was remotely the appropriate one, but I'm also not keen on trying to force some sort of reversal, assuming one was possible.
I just think you've been colossally foolish here. What you've done solves nothing. If we lobotomized everyone who allowed the Maeve to brainwash them for a night of mind-controlled debauchery people regretted afterwards, there'd be a house full of zombies.
Perhaps you are right, but I could see no other option, and now there is no altering my course. I cannot feel sorrow or regret for what I've done, but if it would please you, I'll tell you I would change my decision if I could.
It would please me if you were telling the truth in saying that, and if you'd tell Meallan. [Because she was going to be just manipulative enough not to mention the fact that she might have heard him say something about a potential cure.]
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At the hunt, I... took from a lover without giving anything in return. I wanted to see him broken. I hurt him, becoming that which I hate. This, then, became my only option.
[He settles back.]
I would hear your story regardless.
TW: Mentions of Rape/Murder
Story time. [She sighed and settled down.] This was not an isolated incident, keep in mind. Before I found ways to control what I am, there would come times I would lose myself. It was... basically the demon in me starving and acting out, but when it happened, I would take from whatever I could find. Screams, flesh, sex, anything that came to my mind in the instant. The first time it happened in the City of Asgard, I found some local boy while I was hunting with a vampire... don't even remember her name anymore. He was willing for the sex, but we bled him dry, chopped him to pieces and left him on all parts of the town. The police were searching for proof for years over that one crime alone. I had raped a friend, earlier that night, who had been trying to stop me, keep me in control.
For almost a year straight afterwards, friends of mine would chain me to a chair for a full day on the new moon, when we knew it would happen. They'd lock me up, put wards everywhere and stand guard so I didn't hurt anyone. I fought hard to stop killing, losing control, but there were still other victims before it was done. Nobody allowed me to take the easy outs. They forgave me. Despite everything, they forgave me.
You aren't June. You didn't, of your own free will, pour gold down some poor sod's throat. Maybe they're getting to you a little, maybe they're getting to me. I've been needing outlets for all the anger that builds up, but that doesn't mean you're June, anymore than I am my sick father. There's still a difference.
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Regardless, what I did to Meallan, I chose to do. I could have walked away, but I chose not to, because I wanted to hurt him. Stripping him of his free will brought me pleasure. That made me a monster, and I couldn't bear it.
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You don't need to be that. Do you think just because you have no emotions or magic you can't do something horrible? Ever seen a knife and rope used?
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I just think you've been colossally foolish here. What you've done solves nothing. If we lobotomized everyone who allowed the Maeve to brainwash them for a night of mind-controlled debauchery people regretted afterwards, there'd be a house full of zombies.
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[Is he deliberately misunderstanding her? The world may never know.]
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